Long, long ago, in a time when I was constantly misdiagnosed and rebelling against the mental health system and various pharmaceutical companies, I wandered while victim of my delusions to a land far, far away. Actually, wandered may not be the proper word to describe my sojourn for I did not initially begin my journey on land but by sea. There was some unseen magnetism drawing me to a destination. What destination? I hadn’t the slightest idea, I just let the magnet pull me headfirst into the North Atlantic ocean and I swam, determined and pulled by some supernatural force, to another continent: Europe, France( When off my medication I harbor supernatural powers). The place in which I came to shore was Saintes-Maries-de-la-Mer, a fishing village in France, but at the time I did not know the place or the reason I was compelled to swim such a great distance to arrive there. I sometimes tend to wander aimlessly and without purpose when my illness becomes my master; this time was different; some force had guided me there; I had a purpose. As I drew myself out of the water and my feet implanted themselves in the sand of the shore I was quite astonished by the air quality. It was as if I was inhaling some from of alchemy. The smell was quite unique, pleasant, but powerful; a mixture of magic and strange spirits. As I began to walk the shore, I noticed something unusual after a period of trance-like obliviousness: there was a set of footprints beside my own and by some instinct I was compelled to follow them. They were well engraved in the sand and I had a premonition that they appeared before me so that they could guide me-I knew not to where, but I knew it was in the cards for me to follow them. I was acutely under the influence of the delusions of my illness, but, oddly, my archfiend I Frank The Master did not attempt to possess me. Now, looking back, I knew I was being protected by the saint Sara the Black- saint of the gypsies, also known as Sara-la-Kali. As for the footprints, they seemed like safety to me and I knew by following them I would be deterred from evil. I did not walk beside the footprints, but rather placed my feet into their mold. They matched the shape and size of my own feet with a precision that was uncanny, but I was not...
Monday, March 22, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Resentment is useless...the airbag didn't go off when I crashed!!!!I am still working on the fucking Hexastix: I just get pushed around by my "mental" condition sometim
Lately I have been in a special place I like to call "Trance Island." When my medications fail to keep me from having a "Hebe" episode, you will see or read rather about a part of me that is disconnected from this dimension but highly adaptable to planet fucking weirdo. I hate my mental illness, but I remain unresentfuyl. No resentment towards my condition exists inside my fragmented brain because resentment is absolutely useless. Yeah, fuck, so I tell somebody I won a purple bulldog one day, but the next day I say.."Purple bulldog? What are you crazy?" I am pushed around by my "mental" condition sometimes and it makes it hard for me to be consistent. But, damn it, the last book of Hexastix will finally be revealed now that I have been "stabilized." Oh dear! I also have to fucking write a Hexastix For Dummies manuel for clueless, or, rather, "less evolved" individuals. Poor, poor humans.I just get sick of people not getting it sometimes.....most times rather. Grow up! Evolve! Turn off the television and read a book (not Winnie-the pooh). Whateva! And poor,poor, Christopher Robin. I am so glad that pitiable kid is dead. Just Kidding. And if you don't like my sense of humor, I am informed by my greater forces of intellect to tell you to go join the sheep factory like all the others. I don't give a shit!!!! It is a hardship to be esoteric and invisible, but what the fuck ever! That's life Henry!! I find things that are esoteric fascinating because it's not some beating a dead horse piece of information, what ever the form it comes in (book, a person says something. I am very curious and my illness has provided me not only with severe stress of the body and mind, but the ability to be curious of what I find to be an anomaly. I must say that a being what I am t does not reject (unless it was immoral to that person) , but tries to gain an understanding of the planet so and so comes from is courageous: it is amazing how many cowards inhabit the earth. I can only take so much cowardice. I abhor cowards and self-pity and being pitied. I detest it!!!! Anyway, this cigarette is particularly great this morning. Why do I smoke? Well, I'm only human. Humans are cursed with one vice or another. Soo, that is all. -You want to know what is truly weird? Good, because I am going to tell you anyway. People....upper-middle class people-like to put books on their shelves and never read them. I thought books were books. I thought books were produced to be read. WTF! Books as decorations make me think the world is a bit crazier than me and meaningless and seeking negative attention.l, AND JUST FLAT OUT STUPID ABOUT IMPRESSING OTHERS. Suburban zombies with housecleaners that they share and gossip about. HOLY FALLEN COWS!!! People can be and are, to me, boring dusty tools. Re-runs of the most horrid movie. Acting-poor. Script-worse. Brains-exempt. If you have certain things one is accepted- total dolts. What? That defines most people? How boring! It is a great misfortune I must endure. The boring and stupid. I also have to deal with the nut-cases in the group home I inhabit. I find them to be annoying and I want to yell shut up so loud their eardrums become disabled. Same old shit. Okay, I am done with that tyrade. HA! -Hnery
P.S.-I do not rresent the airbag. Airbags can't help it if they are lazy.